I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
