Your mouth is God's brothel.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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