At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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