Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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