I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
