it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
