she looked like the before picture.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
