with your own penis?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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