just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i dont even know how to be here
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
and you fell through a lawn chair
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
