I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
