i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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