Got a toothbrush?
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
do herpes really smell.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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