How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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