you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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