No I am not eating basil off your cock
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
