I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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