we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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