there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We have started to decorate penises.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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