i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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