$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
