Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
