Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
