I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
