Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
