dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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