Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
