All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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