$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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