mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
