i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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