i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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