Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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