hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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