That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Lo siento on account of my penis...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
