I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You can't just leave with hair like that
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
