Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
