i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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