Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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