Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
