i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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