i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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