do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
