Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
