What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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