drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize