God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize