i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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