White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
