I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
