I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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