He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
