Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
