The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
