He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
