He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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