Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
