i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
