I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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