I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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