My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
