No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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