I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
we're making bets on your personal life
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
