please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
