He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
